There is a difference from when I’m depressed and going through a depressive episode. Feeling depressed is a reaction to something going on. I’m able to process through the emotion and find a sense of understanding for it. This is different from when I’m going through a depressive episode. A depressive episode involves a unexplained physical exhaustion with a numbness to everything. It slowly eases on to where I think maybe I’m just working too hard and need to slow down, but the irritability creeps up and I become aware of what is going on. There is no reason for a depressive episode, it comes on and I just have to manage until it passes. I’ve learned to be mindful of my words and how I explain my illness because it makes a difference in how others may perceive it. It’s more than a feeling. It embodies me to the point where sometimes I have to take the day by the hour to just keep pushing through. I’m grateful for my awareness and understanding of myself.